My Heart Aches…

With great sadness I post this link to an article about the tragic murder of my dear friend Emily, wife of my brother Kurt Jordan and mother of Amanda (7) and newborn baby Luc (4 months). She and her father, Russell, were ruthlessly gunned down by her ex-husband Tuesday night after he lost custody of Amanda to Emily.

My heart mourns for the loss of Emily. She was a beautiful soul and was without a doubt Kurt’s perfect soulmate. I am sick from this news and I can only imagine the pain that Kurt and the entire Jordan and Ford families are going through right now.

If there is a God, may he bring peace to Emily and her father, stillness and comfort to Kurt and Emily’s families and friends and the worst possible pain and eternal torment to this monster who has brought a lifetime of pain and suffering to so many others.

Man Kills Ex-wife and Her Father – News – The Orange County Register.

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With Sails Unfurled

The journey of a lifetime.
Chronicled on the web.

http://withsailsunfurled.com

The Gift

Alice is growing up, much to the chagrin of her father who still wants to celebrate one last Christmas with “his little girl.” As Alice leaves behind childish things she is more and more disillusioned. Santa Clause is determined to keep her from losing her belief in magic. It’s his mission to deliver one more package to her before she’s lost all her innocence. There’s just one problem… she’s protected by the world’s most advanced home defense system ever made. Will Santa deliver his gift to her before it’s too late?!

Even Galaxies Go Dim

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Last week the LA Galaxy had all the brightness of the most brilliant stars in the sky. This week it seems those stars have all gone dark.

Ok, maybe not completely dark. Landon and Becks both had good games. But as a whole the Galaxy were completely off their game tonight against FC Dallas.

Final Score? 3-0 Dallas. Ugh. That’s just ugly and humiliating.

Still, it was a great time for all of us who went. Mom finally got to see David Beckham up close on the field and she was thrilled. From six seats away, in the middle of the game and the thunderous crowd, I could hear her proclaim, “He has such an amazing ass!”

Thanks to some great seats provided to us by my friend Chris (thanks again buddy!) we were able to really enjoy the game.

Maybe next year the Galaxy can make it all the way to a win and bring home the MLS Cup? We’ll see.

Had a Great Time At LA Galaxy Game

The Los Angeles Galaxy beat the Seattle Sounders FC 2-1 tonight at the Home Depot Center in Carson, CA. Both Galaxy goals came off of assists from David Beckham. From my seats the goals were both scored right in front of me in the first half. So cool.

Halloween

David S. Dawson

David S. Dawson

So Halloween is coming up. This is a tough holiday for me. For one… I don’t find it to be much of a holiday… more like a state approved day for acting strangely.

Namely, children get dressed up in costume and are sent out into the world as beggars. And grown women use the day as a chance to slut it up as much as they can and turn every grown man around them into beggars. It’s a little bizarre really.

But on top of that, the first real experience with a death of someone close to me happened around this holiday in 1995. Sure my Grandfather had passed away the year before but, after spending 3 of his last 4 weeks with him talking, I bailed out a week before he actually passed. So I didn’t really experience losing him.

But that Halloween in 1995 what I went through was horrific. It was intimate and it was life changing.

Many of you know the story about my mother’s fiance Rusty dying in a car accident in Texas. Many of you know he was on that ill-fated trip in my place so that he could encourage me to actually live up to my obligations and go to work that night.

It’s a long story. One full of regrets, sadness and pain. Honestly there isn’t really anything good that came of it.

I guess the only thing I can say that might be good from it all is that my dedication to working… to growing into my potential really came into being at that point. That experience has fueled so much of my drive and my ambition in the years since. It stands, to this day, as one of the single most defining moments of my adult life.

I’d have to say the passing of my father in 2007 had as much impact on me, and in much the same way it has pushed me to further dedicate myself to pushing my limits and growing beyond what I comfortably am and instead moving into the unknown. I’ve found through both of these experiences that I am able to be so much more than I think I am if I just allow myself to do the things I am afraid of. To try the new… to explore the unknown and to not sit by and watch my life go by.

So hello Halloween. I still don’t know how to “celebrate” you, but I know that every year your return pushes me to reflect on my life and continue to choose to be something more than I am today.

It's Been a Long and Winding Road

Since the completion of the Surf Cup in the first week of August I think I have been home a total of something like 17 days.

I have been everywhere from Vegas, Spokane, Wichita (twice), Oklahoma City, Norfolk, Atlanta and San Luis Obispo. I’ve worked on video gigs, gay weddings, MMA Webshows and Polo Charity Events. It’s been a crazy ride, and for the most part I’ve enjoyed myself immensely.

But the final part of this whirlwind tour was the loss of my Uncle Francis after emergency heart surgery to replace his failed aortic valve and to peform a bypass.

It was a tragic ending to a very long strange trip I’ve felt like I have been on.

I’m so tired, and I’m so numb. I don’t really know what else there is to say about it.

I want to talk to someone, anyone about how I am feeling, but I just don’t have words to say right now.

I feel very lost.

Francisco Fronteras 1957-2010

Eulogy for Uncle Francis

Quiet.

Strength.

Affectionate.

Loving.

These are the four words that I use to describe my Uncle. He was, to me, a very strong, very quiet and very affectionate and loving man.

Many men are raised in this world without the benefit of having any positive role models in their life. My Uncle was one of these. As my Mother said shortly after he passed, Francis had become an incredible man of strength, integrity and love and he had done it in spite of having little guidance in becoming so. He had chosen to be that way and he found his own path in life. He forged his personality through the strength of his own character.

In my life I have had the honor of having three incredible men to show me what being a man is all about. My grandfather Carl who was as honorable a man as you will ever meet, my own father, Mick who was also a quiet and strong man with an endless love for his family and my Uncle Francis.

Through Francis I have learned that we can be more than the situations of our youth might suggest for us. That we can have the strength of will, the personal desire, and the capacity to overcome obstacles presented to us and to become the type of person who is admired and loved by all who meet us.

Francis had a great capacity for love. I can see it in the grief of his friends, the grief of his family and most especially in the grief of my Auntie Lorna. We do not grieve for his loss. I believe he is in a much better place than this now, joining those who’ve already gone and preparing a place for us all when our time also comes.

We grieve because our own lives are now less than they were before. Without his love in our lives we feel a great emptiness. And that is unbearable. So we grieve, and in grieving we are, together, lifting the voices of our souls to Francis and letting him know that he mattered to us. That he is and will be missed in our lives.

When I was little I visited the Philippines. I was maybe 7 the last time I visited. And I was away from my Dad who had stayed here and I felt very lost and alone. But Francis took me under his wing. He was always a creative man. A tinkerer, who could turn anything into an artistic piece. At the time he was making jewelry and he showed me how he made rings. And in showing me his craft he made me feel connected to him, he made me feel special and he made me feel loved. I have never forgotten that kindness and that warmth he gave to me as a child. And so I was very excited when I heard he was finally coming to the US. I’ll never forget the look of surprise when we met again and he saw how much I’d grown. All he could say that whole night was, “You’re so big!” “David, you are so big!” . . . that, and also, “I’m so cold!”

I for one am a better man for having known my Uncle. We didn’t talk much. I don’t think he ever became fully comfortable speaking English with me. I’m sure I spoke too fast for him sometimes and I think he felt like he spoke too slowly for me. So instead we had developed a sort of silent language of nods and glances over the years. His approval coming in a sort of quiet nod, his disapproval in a glance through his squinted eyes. We understood each other without saying words.

What words needed to be said were often expressed through Karaoke. And usually that meant me singing… For hours. I’d say, “Uncle, why don’t you sing?” He’d just smile and say, “no that’s all right I just want to hear you sing.” And I’d continue. And continue. And continue. But I never wanted to stop singing for him because his acceptance of me always felt so good, and the look of joy on his face as I sang was always more satisfying for me than I could ever describe.

I will miss my Uncle Francis. But I will never forget him. His influence on my life will forever be felt. His example will continue to guide me in how I love my family, how I treat the women in my life and in how I will continue to push myself to be more than I am today. I thank him for being such a positive energy in my life and I look forward to the day when our souls can sing together once again.