So Halloween is coming up. This is a tough holiday for me. For one… I don’t find it to be much of a holiday… more like a state approved day for acting strangely.
Namely, children get dressed up in costume and are sent out into the world as beggars. And grown women use the day as a chance to slut it up as much as they can and turn every grown man around them into beggars. It’s a little bizarre really.
But on top of that, the first real experience with a death of someone close to me happened around this holiday in 1995. Sure my Grandfather had passed away the year before but, after spending 3 of his last 4 weeks with him talking, I bailed out a week before he actually passed. So I didn’t really experience losing him.
But that Halloween in 1995 what I went through was horrific. It was intimate and it was life changing.
Many of you know the story about my mother’s fiance Rusty dying in a car accident in Texas. Many of you know he was on that ill-fated trip in my place so that he could encourage me to actually live up to my obligations and go to work that night.
It’s a long story. One full of regrets, sadness and pain. Honestly there isn’t really anything good that came of it.
I guess the only thing I can say that might be good from it all is that my dedication to working… to growing into my potential really came into being at that point. That experience has fueled so much of my drive and my ambition in the years since. It stands, to this day, as one of the single most defining moments of my adult life.
I’d have to say the passing of my father in 2007 had as much impact on me, and in much the same way it has pushed me to further dedicate myself to pushing my limits and growing beyond what I comfortably am and instead moving into the unknown. I’ve found through both of these experiences that I am able to be so much more than I think I am if I just allow myself to do the things I am afraid of. To try the new… to explore the unknown and to not sit by and watch my life go by.
So hello Halloween. I still don’t know how to “celebrate” you, but I know that every year your return pushes me to reflect on my life and continue to choose to be something more than I am today.