Father's Day Blues

So I just had one of the weirdest Father’s day of my life.

My Dad and I Always Had a Great Time Together

I woke up feeling depressed. The day started with the overwhelming realization that I was going to spend my third Father’s Day without my Dad. It’s been nearly three years since he passed away suddenly, and I miss him every single day. The pain has subsided, but the constant reality of his absence remains. It’s a hollow feeling in my heart that I don’t believe will ever be filled. My Dad was an amazing man, gentle, kind, loving, intelligent and incredibly funny in that bad pun sort of way. His laughter, his smile and his hugs and general warmth are sorely missed.

But this was not the only feelings I had for the day, no. In fact, there are two other fathers in this family now. Adam, who is the father of my first three nephews (Mikey, Aiden and Kale) and now Bryan the father of my fourth nephew (Sean). For Adam this was his sixth or seventh father’s day. And for Bryan it was his first. I love my nephews and I love both of my brother-in-laws. So incredibly different people they both are. Neither of them are carbon copies of my father. Indeed, my sisters definitely did not “marry their Dad” as people are so often quoted as saying. No, they are two very different men, with very different tastes and attitudes about so many things in life. But they are both incredibly loving fathers who I know would do anything for their sons and their wives.

So I spent the morning having breakfast with both of these young families. My families. My sisters and their husbands and kids. It was nice to be with them all. The nephews, from Mikey all the way to Sean, are always sure to make me smile. But it’s also hard to sit there with them, knowing that my Dad will have never known Kale or Sean. Knowing that as much as Mikey remembers of his Grandpa Mick right now, those memories are likely to fade with time. It’s sad. And on Father’s Day I sense that more than on probably any other day of the year.

After breakfast I went to work at the Polo club. It was training day for Missy. This carried with it even more mixed emotions for Father’s Day. Missy is going through her own difficulties with her father, Jack. Jack may not have any more Father’s Days left either. It’s terribly sad, and I pray this isn’t the case for Missy and her family. Hopefully it won’t be. But the reality is that I know my friend is closer to that experience than any of us would hope and sitting there with her on Father’s Day made me feel so much pain and sadness it was almost overwhelming.

I know I have a tendency to sound like I’m always depressed, or that I am very sad all the time. This is not the case, there is much to be happy about in my life. I have two wonderful sisters with amazing sons whom I love very much. I have two brother-in-laws who I am happy to call my brothers. I have friends who bring out the best in me and help me overcome the worst and I am succeeding in business in ways I never imagined myself being able to as recently as a just last year. My Mother is still with us and her laughter and love are infectious. I have much going for me.

But still… on Father’s Day, I can’t help but remember, and miss the towering giant, incredibly simple and infinitely loving man that my Father was in my eyes.

Miss you, as always, Dad. I Love You.

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